Ewan's Birth Story

 August 20, 2020 we welcomed our sweet boy, Ewan Michael Ready at 5:12 p.m. He weighed 7 lb, 5.5 oz (an entire pound and a half smaller than Isla), 19.5 inches long. We have loved getting to know him, even amidst some not-so-fun situations. 

Here is his birth story:

Because of my gestational diabetes, I had been going in weekly for sonograms. During my 38th week appointment, Bubba's fluid was measuring low. That combined with the risk of stillbirth associated with GD had my doctor slightly concerned. She wanted us to induce at 39 weeks. So the night before 39 weeks, I went in to her office to have a cook catheter placed inside my cervix. Feel free to look that up. It was not pleasant. In fact, it was the most painful part of the entire birth process. It's essentially two balloons that expand to dilate you. The hope is that it starts releasing enough oxytocin to get contractions started, while also pushing dilation forward. I went home and had intense cramps  and contractions for several hours. Around 11:00, the cramps stopped and I was able to rest. It was hard to sleep because I was nervous and excited. We woke up at 5:00 to head to the hospital for induction. I stood up, looked at Michael, said "oh my gosh!", and the balloon fell right out of me. This meant I was dilated to a 4 or 5! At this point I wasn't having any contractions. 

We arrived at the hospital, got checked in, and started on pitocin. They can only increase the pitocin another level every half hour so that baby isn't distressed and contractions don't get too close together. So for the next 10 hours, the nurse kept coming in to increase my level. It took forever for me to feel anything. I was dilated and had a few contractions, but nothing was super painful or consistent. My doctor broke my water around 9:00 to hopefully get things moving. Around 1:30 I had my epidural since contractions were now regularly painful. I still was bored out of my mind and very hungry! I spent my time looking at the menu, planning my meals. 

Around 4:45, the nurse came to empty my bladder. She laid me down and I told her I felt like I was going to pass out. It started to worry me as I knew exactly what that felt like. I told her my ears were in a tunnel and my vision was narrowed. Michael jumped up and came over. He said I had gone white. The nurse called for help and a fleet of people came in. They rolled me onto my side and stuck alcohol pads up my nose to get me to stay with them. I didn't end up passing out, but I came very close. They think it was because I was laid on my nerve when put on my back. When they flipped me I told them I had immense pressure between my legs. This epidural was different than Isla's epidural. With her, I couldn't feel anything. With this epidural, I could feel things, especially pressure. One nurse said, "pressure is good, let's check." They barely had to check to know the baby was literally on his way out. Even with an epidural, I had this crazy urge to start pushing. They told me to hold on as they had quickly paged the doctor. I asked the nurse if babies can come out without pushing. She laughed and said "ya and it might happen now!". I was on my side, staring at Michael who was holding back all sorts of emotions. The fear of me passing out and the realization that baby was going to be here any second was a lot to take in. The doctor arrived a few minutes later, I pushed for 12 minutes, and he was out. Everything happened so fast! 

I will never, ever get over that feeling of having a baby inside of me and then on top of me. It's the most magical thing. It's like this moment where I got to met someone I knew all along, but have so much yet to learn. It was love at first sight! My second thought was, "wow! he is so small!". In fact, I think I said that a dozen times while everything was getting cleaned up. Our hospital is certified baby friendly. This means they do everything they can to help mama bond and breastfeed. All the nurses have lactation training and they encourage baby friendly practices like rooming-in and skin-to-skin. I love it! So while I delivered my placenta and got sewed up, I was able to hold Ewan on my chest. They don't do any measurements or cleaning right away. After the cord was done pulsing, a nurse grabbed Ewan's head and said "he's rooting, let's go!". She plopped him on and he nursed for 4 hours straight! I started shaking pretty intensely (but not near as bad as Isla's birth), but continued to nurse him through that. Afterwards, we kept snuggling, called our very worried family (oops, we forgot to tell them it was "go-time"), and nursed and nursed and nursed. He was finally measured, but had delayed cleaning (so much good vernix on him!). 

Overall, it was a smooth birth. Although, if it were up to me I would not induce again. I did not like the process and it felt SO unnatural. I think baby was stressed out and I felt uncomfortable. But I was happy that he was safe and we were healthy. 

My doctor had prepared ahead of time with what's known as the "hemorrhage cart". I had been on clotting meds and some bleeding prevention meds during induction. I had blood ready in case a transfusion was needed. Even with all the precautions and medications, I still lost a significant amount of blood. But not enough to be considered a hemorrhage (progress!). My placenta looked whole too, which was another concern since I have a history of retained placenta (you can read about that here). Ewan ended up having a high bilirubin test and my bleeding was a concern, so we had to stay an extra night. He eventually passed and we were sent home. All seemed well! 

Isla has LOVED every minute of being a big sister. She often grabs his hand and shouts "holding hands!". She loves to kiss him and share her beloved Bo dog with him. She was made to love. Michael and I both have said it seems like she grew up overnight. She's somehow this big girl now that we are so proud of. I don't know where my baby went. 

Unfortunately, our first few weeks with Ewan have been clouded with anxiety and fear. We found out a few days after he was born that he had tested abnormal on his newborn screen for a genetic disorder called fatty acid oxidation disorder. There are a group of genetic disorders that fall under this, but the gist of it is his body cannot break down fats and instead uses muscle. This can lead to all sorts of complications, most dangerous being coma and death. It is extremely rare and it would mean both Michael and I have the gene mutation. Our pediatrician called us to explain that a geneticist would be contacting us and we needed to make sure he never went into fasting mode. So through tears and fear, I fed Ewan hourly. We spoke with the geneticist who told us we had an appointment the following week with some specialty doctors from Chicago. We had to wait a whole week! We have been through a lot, but this was honestly the week from hell. When you google FAOD, there isn't much to find. It is so rare and it's usually the horror stories that are talked about. I was so certain Ewan wouldn't make it through each night. Michael and I both cried and cried and cried, daily, hourly. We have walked through years of exhausting infertility, a horrific miscarriage that almost killed me, and now something so awful that it could take our baby from us. I just kept questioning why. It's not fair. We needed a confirmatory diagnosis, but things looked awful. 

I can't even describe to you how awful we felt. Poor Isla was such a trooper. She didn't understand our sadness, but remained our constant joy. Of course, the mom guilt for her sake, my own physical healing, the exhaustion of hourly (sometimes less than an hour) nursing, and the fear of the unknown was just too much. Michael and I took shifts crying, while the other one remained strong. We had great help from our parents and we are forever grateful for that. Those days are now blurred. The joy of our newborn was taken from us as we just felt sick and sad all day long. 

We eventually met with the specialists from Chicago. It was a joke of an appointment and we left with even more questions than we knew we had. We were basically told that his most recent screen came back as normal and we were still waiting for the results from Mayo Clinic to come back. He either is a carrier or has a mild form of the disorder. We aren't entirely sure what a "mild form" is, but we've been told to continue feeding him often (fasting is the biggest concern for him) and let the doctor know if something else comes up. So until we hear the results from Mayo, we are in limbo right now. But overall, we are in a MUCH better place than we were. We went from thinking our baby was going to die in his sleep to a much healthier mental place. 

Meanwhile, I've had some concerning bleeding that has lead to more doctor's appointments for me. I've had to call the ER nurse line a few times with some concerning side effects from my bleeding medication. I broke down blubbering in front of my OB when my screen for postpartum anxiety came back strong and my blood pressure is showing signs of an extremely anxious person. I've been living in limbo with my body, not quite sure if and when I'm going to hemorrhage. With Isla's birth, I bled for 12 weeks before needing a D&C. With my miscarriage, I bled for 6 weeks before it ended in a hemorrhage, transfusion, and emergency D&C. I'm still within "normal range" for my bleeding, but my doctor is keeping a close eye on me. 

Then of course, Aussie had a serious ear infection and Isla broke out in a rash that the doctor thinks was from a virus. We also think 2 year old molars are coming in. 

So ya, it's been fun over here. 

Honestly, though, we have a lot to be grateful for: 

1. If I had not been induced when I was, we would have had to wait an entire month to see the geneticist because of the timing. 
2. Ewan's second screen is normal. Even though we don't know the details, this is very good news!
3. Isla has done an amazing job at handling her emotional parents, her own emotions, and her own sickness.
4. We have the best family that drops everything to help. We've been fed and taken care of well. Even just talking to our family has been life saving. 
5. We've made it through what I would consider the hardest days of our life. Our marriage feels strong, our family is healing well, and we spent a lot of quality time in deep prayer. 

If you are a praying person, we would appreciate prayers for Ewan's body. We need wisdom and answers moving forward. My body needs complete healing, hopefully without a D&C or emergency. And we would love prayers as we continue to adjust to everything. 

For now, we are happy to be home and healing together. 

We now use the word "children" and it's strange!

We try to get outside as much as we can (hoping to show Bubba the difference between night and day because so far he has them mixed up). 

Greasy hair is the best I can do. 

This little smirk gets me every time. 

The grandmas :)

The best big sister!

All we do... snuggle, nurse, snuggle, nurse snuggle. 

Happy Due Date (one whole week later!)

First bath (he lost the cord at 10 days pp). 

And somehow this sweet peanut is already a month old NEXT WEEK! We sure love him.

***p.s. it's pronounced U-win. Not E-one, Ew-in, or Evan (we've gotten all of these so far). The poor kid will forever answer "it's U-win Ree-dee, not E-one Ready". We thought Isla was an easy name and people mess that up too. Ewan is doomed.